Five Things (Nov 30 2014)

1. I’ve been wanting to start a 5 Things post as per Ashley C Ford’s Tumblr but I have been putting it off because of timing and guilt and lack of confidence that this will be interesting to anyone including myself. I am writing this post despite the fact that none of those factors have changed. There are times I wish my writing was different- more academic, more witty, more charming, more like Ashley’s or Mr. D’s, more…something. I look down on it and then lock it away as if that somehow will help it grow. I read about writing and blogging more than I read about anything else and I am now at a stage where I plan to ban myself from consuming the work of others until I start creating my own masterpieces and putting them out there. And then fear stands across the room and dares me. And I freeze.

2. I watched one of the worst movies I have watched in my life today. It was called “The Right Kind Of Wrong”. I decided to watch it because the trailer showed the ex-wife of the main character becoming successful from writing on her blog (about how much he sucks- but that’s not the point) and that got me excited.The plot was so cliche and yet tried so hard to seem like it was different and had so many gaps that I started rolling my eyes about 10 minutes after the opening credits. Why did I finish watching it? Because I am one of those people who feels they must finish a bad book or movie just in case it gets better or just to be able to feel confident about properly assessing it. I need to work on that because finishing this was pure torture. As I started typing this post, the movie was on pause.

3. “I Give It A Year” is one of the funniest movies I have watched in a long while. It had its moments where it seemed to be going left but the jokes and delivery were spot on. More than that, it has a pretty decent soundtrack- I have decided that that is now my favourite genre of music and you may report your issues with that to Neaux Bahdee Caires, the CEO of Complaints Like Yours. It has a song on it that was originally done by one of the first artists that Mr. D and I randomly bonded over in our early days- before we even thought about being a couple but somehow knew we would be at the same time. Coincidences. Sometimes they mean something.

4. More and more I’m coming to terms with the path I want to take with my life. I’m still figuring it out and I’m okay with the fact that I can’t see too far ahead. What threatens to hold me at a standstill is acknowledging that I have to divert from the one I thought I was on. I wasn’t forging ahead on the old one with passion but I have had it in mind as the sentence I signed up for for so long that I have to work each day on giving myself permission to change routes. It’s a funny thing forcing my fingers to release their grasp on something I don’t actually want. It shows how ingrained it is that I be holding on to something to feel I have a purpose. Each unclenching, I have to remind myself that I have a much better chance of finding my purpose once I let go.

5. Mr. D came to Jamaica for the first time this month. It was amazing sharing my home, family and friends with him. It felt like all the areas of my life came together in the most organic way. The picture at the top is of both of us as he held my hand while I nervously went further into the river that he had moments before informed me contained some type of eel. Let it never be said that I don’t trust this man.

I’ve been thinking lately about the fact that sometimes words and phrases lose their meanings because they get said too much or because they begin being said as part of a routine. Like “I love you”. It often becomes the thing that is said at the end of conversations because we feel it should be said and we don’t tap into that place that holds our love before each time we express it. The words become hollow or stale. The phrase doesn’t connect inside or out.

Sometimes we need to say it differently. Sometimes we simply need to show it. If we really want to nurture it, I say we need both. Because LOVE is a verb- a thing about doing. And as lovely as love is, it doesn’t just do itself.

I say all this to say: Mr. D, thank you for always being there to hold my hand and waiting while I step into eel-infested waters with you.

 

Until next post!

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