Hello, old friend
Yes, I use the term loosely- as loosely as you interpret your duty to provide me with water on a regular basis. I assume that we must, by now, be on some cordial level seeing as we have had a relationship with each other since my birth at least. I don’t know if I can claim for the months I was in my mother’s womb where you and her were social- vicarious friendship maybe? Semantics really.
I am writing today to speak to you about the turbulent waters (all puns intended) our friendship have been navigating. I probably should not mention water because, barring what the W stands for in your name, lately I notice I don’t see much H2O coming from your direction. I had some choice words for you, friend, and some unpleasant thoughts about your parts which I will not share in the public forum for, as we know, it demands decorum.
I do, however, have questions. The major one being “why?” Why must my pipes sound like an aged person with bronchitis when I turn them on? Why do they not flow like the rivers of Babylon (assuming these rivers do flow freely)? Why must I be forced to catch water in containers all year-round when hurricane season isn’t but 3 or so months? I am getting up there in age, NWC, and soon all this bending will take a toll on my poor spine. Have you no heart? Captain Planet realized that heart was an essential element in making the world go round and so should you, dear acquaintance.
Now I know that, paid bills to the contrary aside, I am begging you for this service but if you could be so kind as to come through for more than two days out of the week, it would be greatly appreciated. I cannot fathom why I must be without water during the week AND on weekends. Believe it or not, I use water all seven days of the week and so do the other members of my family. There are key hours especially when we need water (early mornings and evenings are crucial times) and these seem to be the times when you find it most pertinent to be selfish. I assume this ongoing joke is funny to you but I urge you to modify your sense of humour. No one else is laughing. -_-
I do hope you take my words into consideration and adjust your practices so that our friendship doesn’t meet a seven year drought (even one year (read: day) is bad. I’m using hyperbole; don’t get technical). I will no go to check my pipes and if they are dry, I will assume my letter has yet to reach you and, for the final time (hopefully), bathe from a bucket like it’s an adventure and not an inconvenience.
P.S. I know you think I have shower heads in my showers for visual effect only but I actually do like putting them to use and that is next to impossible when the water pressure is as low as my patience with you has become. I hope this finds you in good spirits.
Your “Friend” Nas.