BETMB: T-8 days (5 Things- Dec 14, 2014)

1. What is it about love that makes us use it to justify or excuse our most selfish actions all the while calling it a most selfless feeling? What is it about love that makes us see grey in areas we usually see only black or white? Is it that selfish love is a love tainted? Is it not love at all if it’s selfish? What if it’s a result of love of self trying to exist alongside love for another? Does the former negate the other here? I’m still unsure.

2. Ever found yourself rooting for the non-couple in a love triangle. I’ve found that this happens to me when watching a show or reading a book- you know, situations where it’s written so that you lean towards the “forbidden” lovers, the ones who got their timing wrong. It’s easy to root for people in these scenarios because it’s not real but also because it touches the parts of us that are driven by passion, impulse, selfishness and self-preservation. It stimulates the parts of our minds that relate to wanting to give in to our desires without being restrained by morality. At least that’s what I think. It’s why we say all is fair in love and war, no?

But I find that usually we sell healthy love short when we go for the love that’s driven by drama. It’s as if we don’t feel love is real unless it is tested by careless or reckless acts, unless at least one or twelve breakups happen along the way. It’s like we feel we can only say it is tried and true if we try the hell out of ourselves and/or our partners. Sometimes timing sucks. Sometimes we mess up. And it’s lovely if we can manage to overcome and to fix our messes. But sometimes it’s best to leave a bad situation rather than stick around to make things worse just so we feel better about taking the journey from worse to better. After all, you can always get your drama fix in fiction if you really need it 🙂

Life is hard enough. Life is enough of a test. There is no need to make a good thing hard(er) in order to validate it. It is still just as good, if not better, if you saw the goodness in it from jump and worked to keep it that way. That is extremely romantic in fact.

3. Oh, my goodness! My birthday is coming up! I always feel pumped when my birthday is near even when I have no big plans or plans at all and in truth, I hardly ever do anything major for my birthday. I have had a couple of birthday parties along the way but no Super Sweet 16 type of deal. Actually, I had a surprise sweet 16 party but the plan was revealed before the actual party by my ex who was still friends with my cousins  but who was upset because my parents didn’t like him and left him out of the plans. Hell hath no bitterness like an ex scorned. I was upset that he told me. It’s really hard for people to surprise me because I usually somehow figure it out without trying or I get tipped off somehow.

Still, I enjoyed the night. It was an awesome thing to have happen. I love when people come together to celebrate something or someone they love, and when that someone is me- I can’t complain. Hehehe. As I get older though, it gets cemented in me more and more that I am not a fussy girl (no Bajan meaning intended- joke for my Caribbean people). I’m truly fine with something intimate. I usually reply “nothing” when asked what I want for my birthday because I’m usually satisfied. However, I’m thinking to change my approach. Maybe start cashing in on this at different parts of the year. Point to note: I’m always here for cake.

4. Christmas babies do NOT like being given one gift for two occasions. It is unfair and hurtful. I wish it would stop. Just like everyone else, we deserve two gifts. The gifts don’t have to even cost you anything but it’s best to give us one thing and pick which occasion it’s for rather than to tell us that it’s for two occasions. I’m gonna start giving gifts and saying “Merry Happy Birth Marriage Love Christmas Anniversary!” and see how people like it. When giving gifts, try thinking of the recipient more than yourself. I promise it works out better that way.

5. I think the best kind of love is one that makes you so comfortable with being selfish that it makes you selfless. One that makes the things you do for another be the things that bring you the most joy anyway. The kind of love that makes you feel okay with asking for a large portion of someone’s time in which you can love on and be loved on by them. One that makes you feel safe and elicits relief in breaking down all your walls and being your most vulnerable self because you are sure you’ll be lifted up while gifting someone with the knowledge that they mean so much to you, you’ll take the risk and show them all of you.

Love is perfect. But human beings are not. As vessels, we are affected by and we affect the delivery of the substance. There’s something so very beautiful about this fact. Each of us is unique in how we give or receive love with each relationship that contains it. Love so selflessly that being selfish in that love reaps the same results.

I know I’m extra mushy lately. It’s almost Christmas time and my birthday is coming up and I’m in a good place with my love so I hope it doesn’t bug you. If it does, go drink some egg nog or sorrel with rum- you should feel better after 🙂

 

Featured Image Source (text added by me)

Until next post!

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